Chapter 97: I don't believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party. I just believe in parties.

with summer here (as of today, yay summer solstice!), i think i am going to revamp my blog yet AGAIN! (yes another life change did occur...). I know that there are so many lifestyle blogs out there, but i thought turning mine into one would make me more aware of it and therefore, update it more regularly. so here it goes.


to start with: the arm party! a term coined by the man repeller, it refers to just a group of random, oddly matched bracelets on one's arm. it can include a watch and doesn't have to. does it make sense? no. is it fun? YES. i am definitely a compulsive jewelry buyer (why? it will always fit!) and bracelets are an extra special vice because most can be too big for my wrist (#humblebrag? maybe). but as a certified member of the nyc publishing world, i've found that my wardrobe is made up of a lot of black so this adds the much-needed color. plus, it's a fun way to start my day.

My mixed metal and black arm party.

My "I'm-on-the-way-to-New-Orleans" arm party.

Chapter 96: Girls.

the interwebs are currently filled with all kinds of opinions on HBO's new series "Girls" so i thought i'd add my thoughts. like many people, i was excited and anxious about this pilot episode of this show that seemed to want to reverse the damage done by sex & the city. i'll admit it: i moved to nyc dreaming of martini filled happy hours and shoes galore. what the show failed to discuss was the cringe felt every time my rent goes out of my bank account (carrrie never writes a check except to manolo blahnik!), how sticky the subways get during the summer (no, we don't take cabs everywhere) and the pitfalls of living with roommates (they all lived alone).


1. no, not all 24-year-olds are currently interns. my sole goal upon graduating was to be able to pay for things on my own with my own money. full disclosure: i did live at home for a year and didn't pay rent. i spent that time saving up for any and all of my moving expenses when i did move to the city and made sure to pay for anything that i could. my goal was to be financially responsible, and i don't think that hannah's lifestyle is one that can be achieved by anyone who is strictly middle class, which i am assuming she is


2. yes, life is that confusing. i would never say that i have my life or my next steps figured out. the one thing i can confirm is that all these things are fluid. i never thought that i'd be doing what i do for a living when i graduated, but i am happy of where my life is taking me. hannah finds herself without a position and i get that. life is unpredictable, especially when you're 24 or 25 and some employers seem to think of you as disposable.


3. no, things are not as bleak as they seem. i'm not sure if it's the lighting or hannah's general monotone or marnie's constantly frowning face, but i have never been as sad as these girls are. obviously everything isn't peachy keen, but what's the point in being that sad and depressed?


4. yes, i do drink that much wine. what? it's good for you.


5. no, i'm not that spineless. what is with these girls? why does everyone in their life walk all over them? sometimes, a little completely baseless confidence can get you farther than you think.


overall, i was a little underwhelmed, but i'm ok with that. i can give shows a chance and many have deserved it. i'm just waiting for the characters and the writing to grow up a bit.

Chapter 95: I will never stop loving Dr. Seuss.

Chapter 94: Fitting In.

i've always been pretty good about sticking to who i am. of course, this definition has changed over the course of 25 years of my life, but for the most part, i have always determined that parameters that constituted "me." whether it was my "growing into my skin" phase in middle school to my goth/skater amalgamation phase in high school to my strictly jeans, tees, Converses and blazers look in undergrad, i kept my identity as fluid as i felt comfortable and as static as i needed.


when i entered the work force almost three years ago, i was ready to start all over again. i had a new job in publishing so i really wanted to impress. i took the age old adage "dress not for the job you have, but for the one you want" to heart. i really put myself into my look and i exuded that wonderfully naive confidence of a new college graduate. in tandem, i think both actually helped me to achieve more than i otherwise would have. i was fearless, ready to take on any challenge, willing to do anything, and was my own professional barbie.


fast forward to 2.5 years later: starting a new job has been interesting for me because i'm in a parallel industry, but doing something very different. the very first thing that i've realized is that i managed to lose that confidence i had when i first started working. maybe my experiences have made me more cautious or maybe my environment is more intimidating or maybe i've been at the bottom of the totem poll for too long. regardless, that gumption i first had seems to have evaporated and that once effervescent girl is now shy and introverted. 


about two months in, i've found that i'm still not there. i spend every sunday night telling myself how i'll fix my situation and spend every friday looking back at how nothing changed. i'm hoping that my three month mark will be my sudden breakthrough on how to be me in my new surroundings. 

Chapter 93: Changes.

changes in my life are what keep me awake. otherwise, i find myself falling asleep at work or while watching tv or even while cooking. not sleeping in the literal sense in that i have narcolepsy. asleep in a way that makes me feel like i am going through life in a fog that makes everything dull. i find myself on autopilot and completely disengaged from what i'm doing. there have been times where i've suddenly come to and realized that i had no idea what i did the past hour because i was so removed from my reality. that is my narcolepsy.


but changes keep me up and alert! but not bad changes (see previous post); good ones like a new job or a new apartment or a new boyfriend. all these things make me excited to get up and go! as cliche as that sounds.


i sometimes wonder if i will become one of those people who jump from job to job from sheer boredom. not the worst thing i could do, but also not the best thing that i could do, either. i'm hoping that continuing a career in marketing will help me spin this odd tendency in a positive way, but we'll see about that. 

Chapter 92: Rooms and roommates.

i moved to nyc a little over a year ago in 2010. having graduated undergrad in may of 2009 and having lived a year at home, i missed the deluge of my fellow graduates who all moved to the city together. they managed to find instant roommates because if one of their friends couldn't be a roommate, there was always a friend of a friend.

not quite so in my case considering my timing. and thus, i started on the search. a search that has resulted in me living with my third roommate in a year and a half.

this almost makes it sound like i'm a bad roommate and have run them all off. not so! (at least, i hope not). i seem to attract people who are in very transient stages of their lives. new jobs that have brought them to a new city, new jobs that take them away, new situations that just force them to look for a new place to inhabit. enter me with my seemingly extra room at all times.

i sometimes wonder what this says about me. do i seem unsettled enough that like finds like? or do i seem SO settled that those who are constantly on the move crave my stability? and being in a state of constant state of dissatisfaction, i'm not ok with either. the former indicates a flakiness while the latter indicates an inability to adapt. in all honesty, it could just be that i have a fabulous apartment, but i can't help but wonder how such people are pulled into my life.

Chapter 91: The roaring twenties.

i follow a ton of blogs and websites on an hourly basis. i mean, A TON. i've had people look at my blog roll and gasp at the sheer amount of blogs that i follow. these are separated into categories such as "beauty" or "news" or "pop culture," to name a few. i like to think of myself as a renaissance women with such a myriad of interests that yes, i do need to follow all 500 of the blogs that i follow.

while i was reading a "beauty" article, i came across a survey entitled "are you using the right foundation?" curious as to whether i am or not, i started filling it out when i was immediately accosted with the age bracket question. normally, this wouldn't have even crossed my mind as i checked off the youngest bracket, or in this case, it was 18-24.

...the youngest was 18-24 which means that i will soon be leaving this bracket. in fact, i'll be leaving it in a little less than three months.

i know, entering my mid-twenties is not that big of deal. plenty of people have actually managed to live through it. i think what shocks me is how different my life is as opposed to what i imagined it would be at the age of 25. i'll admit it, when i turned 18, i acquired a swagger to indicate that i was ready to take on adulthood. a swagger that has now turned into an uneasy shuffle as i find myself not exactly sure where i'm going.

is this normal? i always knew that 25 is some kind of milestone - for those younger, it's the indication that you're old. for those older, it's the good ol' days. yet, i feel neither of these things. my unease at where my life is going is punctuated by random moments and memories of elation or despair, but neither lasts.

maybe this is the year that i make my life go the way i want. the year i actually finish all the projects i started in my "good years." the year i have answers. the one answer i do have right is that yes, i am using the right foundation. one down, not even sure how many to go.

Chapter 90: Impact.

as i've written before, i've always had a fascination with death in a very hands off kind of way. i'm always intrigued by the outpouring of grief and compassion that comes after a person's death. the younger or more famous the person is, the more the grief triggered around the world. it makes sense since when a younger person passes away, you can't help but mourn their lost potential. when a famous person passes away, you celebrate their influence in the world.

this has been especially on my mind as of late with the recent passing of steve jobs. now, personal beliefs and morals aside, everyone can and should agree that this man has truly contributed hugely to the world as we know it today. in fact, he changed our every day routines to the point that it is very rare for us (in the first world, anyway) to not touch an apple product on a daily basis. and if we don't, there is probably one within arm's reach.

interestingly enough, i found out about his death from a fashion blog that i follow through google reader. yup, you read that correctly: a fashion blog. is this because of how fashionable jobs was while he was alive? not really, no. but his impact was so great and reverberated through so many industries, that even the readers of this fashion blog--which was really just a new york city girl modeling her own designer clothes in rather crooked poses on the top of her parents' apartment building--could mourn the passing of this man. after all, those fashion forward viewers might have been reading that blog through a mac or an iproduct.

with blogger's new features (maybe they're not new? i haven't been here in a while...), i can now see how many people have viewed my blog over the course of its life. i can't help but wonder who you all are, and what can be gained through my blog, if anything. i started this blog over four years ago (jaw just dropped at that) in the hopes that i could find a corner of the internet to call my own. did i ever think that ANYONE would read it? well, i hoped someone would which is why it's a public blog in the first place. as ridiculous as it may seem, i'd love to imagine that some post i made was the butterfly flapping it's wings to create the storm on the other side of the world. highly doubtful, but at least i can hope to have some tiny influence on the world, some fraction of the impact that jobs left behind him. perhaps this blog will be my ticket to fame, or it will merely serve as place to record my delusions. i guess time will tell.