i've always been pretty good about sticking to who i am. of course, this definition has changed over the course of 25 years of my life, but for the most part, i have always determined that parameters that constituted "me." whether it was my "growing into my skin" phase in middle school to my goth/skater amalgamation phase in high school to my strictly jeans, tees, Converses and blazers look in undergrad, i kept my identity as fluid as i felt comfortable and as static as i needed.
when i entered the work force almost three years ago, i was ready to start all over again. i had a new job in publishing so i really wanted to impress. i took the age old adage "dress not for the job you have, but for the one you want" to heart. i really put myself into my look and i exuded that wonderfully naive confidence of a new college graduate. in tandem, i think both actually helped me to achieve more than i otherwise would have. i was fearless, ready to take on any challenge, willing to do anything, and was my own professional barbie.
fast forward to 2.5 years later: starting a new job has been interesting for me because i'm in a parallel industry, but doing something very different. the very first thing that i've realized is that i managed to lose that confidence i had when i first started working. maybe my experiences have made me more cautious or maybe my environment is more intimidating or maybe i've been at the bottom of the totem poll for too long. regardless, that gumption i first had seems to have evaporated and that once effervescent girl is now shy and introverted.
about two months in, i've found that i'm still not there. i spend every sunday night telling myself how i'll fix my situation and spend every friday looking back at how nothing changed. i'm hoping that my three month mark will be my sudden breakthrough on how to be me in my new surroundings.
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