Chapter 85: Healthy competition

while discussing our current job environments, a friend of mine and i began discussing the difference between healthy and unhealthy competition. he explained to me he was ecstatic that another co worker at his level was already showered with accolades to the point that this other co worker was already assigned her own team. he even went on to say that he was happy that he wasn't even offered this new team because he was afraid of the amount of work.

i have to to be honest and say that i was shocked by this reaction. i have always been the person who strives to do and be more. if i happen to surpass others around me in the process, then so be it. but to say that i am perfectly content with my position in a certain place is something that i can't even fathom. or understand, for that matter.

it can seem sad to some that i never really feel like anything is enough. i don't consider it as a lack of something in my life, but i'm excited by the possibility of something new or more. i'm never disappointed by what i've accomplished, but i can never wait to begin something new. i know that to the naked eye, this makes me seem highly competitive. but to be honest, the only person i'm really competing with is myself.

Chapter 84: Dates & Times

and now the post that i'm sure everyone as been waiting on the edge of their seats for: my dating experience in nyc! while i'm sure that no one was actually anxiously awaiting this, it is a common subject to tackle once any single person has made that move into a major city, especially new york.

so what's my situation, you might be wondering. i am, at the moment, in a situation that can only be described as facebook's groundbreaking relationship status, "it's complicated." i'm not even sure what that means, but to keep things simple, i will say this: consider me single since i can date other people. there are days when i get off the phone with him grinning from ear to ear, and days when i just want to eat a bowl of cheesy pasta mixed with more cheese. (don't tell me you haven't been there.)

anyway, i've only been in two or three outings where i didn't know too many people around me, and all of them happened to be club/bar settings. the one thing i did notice is that people in ny aren't as standoffish as they seem on the street. granted, this might have to do with alcohol, but i'd like to think that is has to do with the uber-social demeanor people put on when they are in that "out" setting. if you go anywhere after 11pm, who isn't laughing, dancing, drinking, talking, and generally having a great time? yes, even the stereotypical crying girl in the corner was laughing at one point that night. and this ebb and flow of energy can't just be attributed to the flow of alcohol, especially when you take into consideration how slow it can be to get a drink around here. and yes yes, there are those who purely want to hook up, but i'm looking on the positive side right now.

i found that people were just nice. i've met some very random people, including a doctor from nj and a jazz music exec from harlem, but all people who shared a full conversation with me. this wasn't just a "hey baby, how are you tonight?" kind of thing, but an actual conversation about what we do, where we are in life, and where we'd like to be. have i gone on a date with any of these people? er, no. i might not be quite ready for that yet. but it's great to know that when the time comes, it won't be too hard to meet someone, if not a date then at least a friend.

there will always be naysayers (there's even one in my head right now) who say that i should be careful and these people only want one thing from me, etc, etc. well, maybe. but i have to say that my experience so far has been rather positive. so, in a nutshell, have i been on a date? nope. am i hopeful? sure. regardless though, this blog will be the first place for me to report on it.

Chapter 83: The very big city

every time i watched sex & the city, i was so jealous. here were these amazingly fashionable women who had these glorious apartments to return to after sunday brunch in trendy areas of manhattan, dishing about their fabulous saturday nights out. who wouldn't be jealous! and yes, i am not foolish enough to think that my own experience would be the same (really? that many manolo blahniks, carrie? feed the children.), but i really hoped that those episodes would hold something familiar for me.

not so much! no no, instead i find myself in a small-ish corner of an apartment (never let the term "charming" fool you in a real estate listing), surviving on a monthly budget that those satc ladies would blow through in about a week. i have discovered my love for cooking my own meals and bargain hunting throughout nyc. and let me tell you, there aren't many bargains to be found. i've found a value in vintage items and discount stores that i really never had before. i've also found beauty in taking walks to work and back home rather than taking the subway.

but maybe this is more that just about living in nyc on my own. maybe this about me growing up and realizing the true value of things in this world. as you might or might not know, this is actually my very first apartment, my very first piece of real estate, the first time that my name has ever appeared on a lease. i'm hoping that this sudden appreciation for the small things, or "charming" rather, is not just a temporary epiphany but a true lesson learned. maybe this move will be my first step towards being that bigger and better person i've always wanted to be. i'll just have to be bigger and better on a budget, but i'm thinking i can live with that.

Chapter 82: A change, I think.

i haven't been quite as prolific with this blog as i would like to be. in a previous post, i mentioned how this blog usually comes in handy when something terrible has gone on in my life and i need an inappropriate venting space. i guess i've comet to the realization that maybe this blog could be more than that. i mean, there are plenty of people out there who use their blogs to make money. i mean, that's obviously not a motivating factor, ahem...

i've been reading more blogs recently and realized that there are so many people out there who just talk about their lives and it's awesome. maybe mine can be the same, we'll see.

i've also realized that i don't share much about who i am beyond the small about me in the corner so i'll provide a small recap on my life, and the changes that have happened recently. i currently work in book publishing, which i absolutely love. i wanted to work in this industry and am so happy that i'm a part of it. i recently moved to nyc, which is basically the mecca that i've stared at from nj for the past 23 years. oh and i'm 23 years old.

so that's that! i hope you enjoy and comments are always welcome.