Chapter 97: I don't believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party. I just believe in parties.

with summer here (as of today, yay summer solstice!), i think i am going to revamp my blog yet AGAIN! (yes another life change did occur...). I know that there are so many lifestyle blogs out there, but i thought turning mine into one would make me more aware of it and therefore, update it more regularly. so here it goes.


to start with: the arm party! a term coined by the man repeller, it refers to just a group of random, oddly matched bracelets on one's arm. it can include a watch and doesn't have to. does it make sense? no. is it fun? YES. i am definitely a compulsive jewelry buyer (why? it will always fit!) and bracelets are an extra special vice because most can be too big for my wrist (#humblebrag? maybe). but as a certified member of the nyc publishing world, i've found that my wardrobe is made up of a lot of black so this adds the much-needed color. plus, it's a fun way to start my day.

My mixed metal and black arm party.

My "I'm-on-the-way-to-New-Orleans" arm party.

Chapter 96: Girls.

the interwebs are currently filled with all kinds of opinions on HBO's new series "Girls" so i thought i'd add my thoughts. like many people, i was excited and anxious about this pilot episode of this show that seemed to want to reverse the damage done by sex & the city. i'll admit it: i moved to nyc dreaming of martini filled happy hours and shoes galore. what the show failed to discuss was the cringe felt every time my rent goes out of my bank account (carrrie never writes a check except to manolo blahnik!), how sticky the subways get during the summer (no, we don't take cabs everywhere) and the pitfalls of living with roommates (they all lived alone).


1. no, not all 24-year-olds are currently interns. my sole goal upon graduating was to be able to pay for things on my own with my own money. full disclosure: i did live at home for a year and didn't pay rent. i spent that time saving up for any and all of my moving expenses when i did move to the city and made sure to pay for anything that i could. my goal was to be financially responsible, and i don't think that hannah's lifestyle is one that can be achieved by anyone who is strictly middle class, which i am assuming she is


2. yes, life is that confusing. i would never say that i have my life or my next steps figured out. the one thing i can confirm is that all these things are fluid. i never thought that i'd be doing what i do for a living when i graduated, but i am happy of where my life is taking me. hannah finds herself without a position and i get that. life is unpredictable, especially when you're 24 or 25 and some employers seem to think of you as disposable.


3. no, things are not as bleak as they seem. i'm not sure if it's the lighting or hannah's general monotone or marnie's constantly frowning face, but i have never been as sad as these girls are. obviously everything isn't peachy keen, but what's the point in being that sad and depressed?


4. yes, i do drink that much wine. what? it's good for you.


5. no, i'm not that spineless. what is with these girls? why does everyone in their life walk all over them? sometimes, a little completely baseless confidence can get you farther than you think.


overall, i was a little underwhelmed, but i'm ok with that. i can give shows a chance and many have deserved it. i'm just waiting for the characters and the writing to grow up a bit.

Chapter 95: I will never stop loving Dr. Seuss.

Chapter 94: Fitting In.

i've always been pretty good about sticking to who i am. of course, this definition has changed over the course of 25 years of my life, but for the most part, i have always determined that parameters that constituted "me." whether it was my "growing into my skin" phase in middle school to my goth/skater amalgamation phase in high school to my strictly jeans, tees, Converses and blazers look in undergrad, i kept my identity as fluid as i felt comfortable and as static as i needed.


when i entered the work force almost three years ago, i was ready to start all over again. i had a new job in publishing so i really wanted to impress. i took the age old adage "dress not for the job you have, but for the one you want" to heart. i really put myself into my look and i exuded that wonderfully naive confidence of a new college graduate. in tandem, i think both actually helped me to achieve more than i otherwise would have. i was fearless, ready to take on any challenge, willing to do anything, and was my own professional barbie.


fast forward to 2.5 years later: starting a new job has been interesting for me because i'm in a parallel industry, but doing something very different. the very first thing that i've realized is that i managed to lose that confidence i had when i first started working. maybe my experiences have made me more cautious or maybe my environment is more intimidating or maybe i've been at the bottom of the totem poll for too long. regardless, that gumption i first had seems to have evaporated and that once effervescent girl is now shy and introverted. 


about two months in, i've found that i'm still not there. i spend every sunday night telling myself how i'll fix my situation and spend every friday looking back at how nothing changed. i'm hoping that my three month mark will be my sudden breakthrough on how to be me in my new surroundings. 

Chapter 93: Changes.

changes in my life are what keep me awake. otherwise, i find myself falling asleep at work or while watching tv or even while cooking. not sleeping in the literal sense in that i have narcolepsy. asleep in a way that makes me feel like i am going through life in a fog that makes everything dull. i find myself on autopilot and completely disengaged from what i'm doing. there have been times where i've suddenly come to and realized that i had no idea what i did the past hour because i was so removed from my reality. that is my narcolepsy.


but changes keep me up and alert! but not bad changes (see previous post); good ones like a new job or a new apartment or a new boyfriend. all these things make me excited to get up and go! as cliche as that sounds.


i sometimes wonder if i will become one of those people who jump from job to job from sheer boredom. not the worst thing i could do, but also not the best thing that i could do, either. i'm hoping that continuing a career in marketing will help me spin this odd tendency in a positive way, but we'll see about that.