Chapter 67: Alumnus.

returning to one's alma mater is an interesting experience. i didn't quite expect how conflicted i would feel when i stepped back on to the campus of the university of pennsylvania last week after having graduated from there in may. on the one hand, i was thrilled to be back at the place where i i felt so free, so light, so like myself. college was, for me, the first place i was ever free to really be myself. i'm sure many other people equate college with freedom, but i'm not talking about the freedom that comes from binge drinking and partying. i mean the feeling of finding your interests and who you would like to be one day.

on the other hand, i was miffed at it's sudden change of heart. after four years of loyalty, that very same alma mater gave me my two weeks notice and told me to get the hell out. i'm not sure i can ever forgive it for ruthlessly and unceremoniously throwing me out to make room for its new lover, the class of 2013. (don't bother doing the math, they are young. let's just leave it at that.)

the first thing i realized? i'd forgotten things. getting out of the subway, i was suddenly very unsure of where i was and where i was going. were the streets the same? the stores? the people? i wasn't sure, but 5 seconds later, my feet grew accustomed and started walking to where i needed to go. never did i think that i would forget those places there seemed ingrained into my very skin.

i hate to say it, but i guess college was a temporary state of mind. i think i only realized that once i went back and suddenly, i didn't belong. time to move on, it seems.

Chapter 58: New beginnings...

i love the first day of school. even as a kid when every other kid dreaded that first day, that first bus ride, that first bell, i loved it. i loved it mostly for the school supplies. nothing gets me off quite like a fresh new stack of sharpened pencils, unopened pens (red, black and blue), pristine red erasers, highlighters in every fluorescent color. don't even get me started on color coordinated folders and notebooks for each subject.

there's something to the newness of these supplies that attracted me. notebooks that were untouched and unwritten in, without those little scraps left behind in the wiring when you rip out a page. the pencils had perfect erasers and the pens were full of ink. my stacks of post-its were all even, all the same since not a single one had been hastily scribbled on and smashed onto my wall. they were perfectly undefiled and new, just waiting for the school year to take its toll on them.

beginning anything is exciting. a new adventure that could go anywhere and lead you to anything, good or bad. it could be a new year at college or a new relationship, the excitement is amazingly scintillating. especially when you are so excited for it. it's like a new chapter, a new chance, an amazing start.

as for me, i've learned to go to the stationary lane at cvs whenever i'm down and take in those pristine supplies. ah the feeling of new. nothing beats it.