Chapter 58: New beginnings...

i love the first day of school. even as a kid when every other kid dreaded that first day, that first bus ride, that first bell, i loved it. i loved it mostly for the school supplies. nothing gets me off quite like a fresh new stack of sharpened pencils, unopened pens (red, black and blue), pristine red erasers, highlighters in every fluorescent color. don't even get me started on color coordinated folders and notebooks for each subject.

there's something to the newness of these supplies that attracted me. notebooks that were untouched and unwritten in, without those little scraps left behind in the wiring when you rip out a page. the pencils had perfect erasers and the pens were full of ink. my stacks of post-its were all even, all the same since not a single one had been hastily scribbled on and smashed onto my wall. they were perfectly undefiled and new, just waiting for the school year to take its toll on them.

beginning anything is exciting. a new adventure that could go anywhere and lead you to anything, good or bad. it could be a new year at college or a new relationship, the excitement is amazingly scintillating. especially when you are so excited for it. it's like a new chapter, a new chance, an amazing start.

as for me, i've learned to go to the stationary lane at cvs whenever i'm down and take in those pristine supplies. ah the feeling of new. nothing beats it.

Chapter 53: Time. Or lack thereof.

the generation of "the rules" is actually before mine, but the aftershocks seem to have seeped their way into the present. these "rules" were a code that all women should follow in order to not only bag themselves a man, but a husband.

one of the key components of these rules was how to use time effectively. for example, one should never call a member of the opposite sex the day after he/she met him/her. wait. and they will come to you. or the classic concept of wait before engaging in any activities too soon, for this will not only guarantee that you will not find yourself a husband, but that you also happen to be a whore.

the main point behind the rules is to take things slowly and carefully, using prudence along each step of the courting process. only by careful observation and judgment can one land the goal that everyone appears to be pursuing: true love.

so what happened to the days of yore when "love at first sight" and "head over heels" were the mantras of those who were willing to engage in the games of love? every great love story starts with that sighting across the room of someone so captivating you think she's an angel, of the glint in one's eye that makes you want to know more, of that soft laugh that makes you yearn to be the one that made that witty comment. we've all learned and celebrated the classic tale of romeo and juliet, whose love started in this way, but why don't we practice that anymore?

there are many skeptics out there who claim that this is lust at first sight, which it is for some people. but let's not forget that the initial attraction is what leads to more, and upon looking at someone, what more do you have to go on but their appearance and mode of carrying themselves? but lust cannot be equated with the concept of wanting to know more about a person.

i've been in a situation where i met someone and instantly wanted to know who he was, through and through. what made him laugh, cry, what he thought of the educational system in america, what foods he preferred over others. lust would have made me wanted to know other things, not what his opinions are on the upcoming elections. i'm not saying that i fell in love at that moment, but that excitement of realizing that this was someone who i could like a lot more was beyond exhilarating. and something we need to bring back into vogue.

Chapter 52: Cover of darkness

i've always wished that the things i do under the cover of darkness would go erased. kind of like the ostrich theory where an ostrich sticks it's head in sand in the hopes that if it doesn't see you, you're not there. likewise, if no one saw it happen, then it didn't.

unless i myself wasn't drunk enough and happened to remember the next morning. or within a few hours when i sobered up. or when i realized that it was still staring me in the face.

i've always lived my life without regrets. this definitely doesn't mean that i haven't made mistakes (i've made plenty, i assure you), but i take the best that i can from each negative experience and try to learn from everything. it is the amalgamation of my experiences that make me who i am, after all.

i recently made an interesting decision under the cover of darkness that i almost instantly regretted. an out of character, reputation ruining, made me want to wake up to a new day decision. and this also turned out to be something that seemed to continue throughout the night, and though it was a really enjoyable night, dawn and reality both smacked me awake the next morning. i was hoping beyond hope that nothing was ruined and whatever happened would stay in that obscure darkness where it happened.

except this decision stuck with me. it was one of those things that i publicly wanted to wish away, but privately hoped wouldn't leave. and it didn't. now i realize that the darkness that i hoped would hide it completely was merely hiding what it really was: an opportunity at true happiness.