i know a girl who can just pick up and live anywhere. seriously. she has lived all over the country, been all over the world, and even now, is ready to pick and move yet again. she has the unfathomable capacity to pack enough items (clothes, toiletries, and all) for two months into a carry on bag even when she is going to places with varying climates. at this very moment, she lives in one of the biggest cities in the world and is about to move to the other side of the country in about two weeks.
clearly i'm shocked by this behavior, but what really shocks me about this how she never knows anyone when she moves to these new cities and places. she may know one or two people are most, but beyond that, she is a stranger in a strange land. the only reason i even know her is through utterly random events that happened through a friend of a friend. she has this uncanny ability of meeting strangers in coffee shops and while doing her laundry, exchanging numbers with them, and meeting them later for dinner.
this behavior of hers made me question the way i look at myself in the context of a crowd. i wouldn't move anywhere unless i knew at least a few people there, but is that really the way to look at it? living in nyc is living within a beast of people, languages, cultures, events, places, etc, so how could knowing 5 people in this mess make a difference? it is so easy to get lost in a crowd to the point where it can feel as if you are entirely alone while being surrounded by thousands of people. it can be a little too easy to siltently drown in this sea of people
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Chapter 87: I heart.
as i've mentioned in this blog before, i moved to nyc at the end of august, and and at my two month mark, i'm looking back on what i thought this would be and what it's turned out to be. i know that it is always that quintessential dream of any fresh faced college student to move and make it in the big city, but that has truly been my dream. growing up in a small town where i could actually see the empire state building on a clear night instilled in me a sense of constant longing. however, living so close to the city meant that i didn't go there very often so i developed this incredibly idealized dream of what it could be - a dream based on fragments from movies and radio and anything else i could get my hands on. as most teens do, i had an incredibly ornate and grand design of what my life was going to be once i moved.
now that i'm here, i can honestly say that it is nothing as i had imagined. i forgot to imagine the being adult aspect of living in nyc. but as much as things can suck, i'm sure that i wouldn't be happier anywhere else but right here, right now.
i heart nyc.
now that i'm here, i can honestly say that it is nothing as i had imagined. i forgot to imagine the being adult aspect of living in nyc. but as much as things can suck, i'm sure that i wouldn't be happier anywhere else but right here, right now.
i heart nyc.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Chapter 86: Compatibility
do children ever play with jigsaw puzzles anymore? from what i can tell, the term "jigsaw" only refers to that creepy man in that mask in those saw slasher movies... which i clearly saw (not). when i was younger, i had this huge kite puzzle that depicted children in a field playing with multicolored kites while their parents watched on, fairly generic. every time i opened that damn box to put it together again, three pieces would always inexplicably go missing. it didn't matter how careful i was to count the pieces or only take out the sky blue ones to start with or how i even put down a white sheet to "play" on just so i could see the pieces more clearly.
i became so desperate at one point that i took the side pieces and tried to cut them into the lost middle ones. it never worked, and in the end, i had a completely disjointed puzzle made up of extremely rough edges and random, rustic pieces strewn throughout. at the age of 10, this constitutes as a massacre of sorts. eventually, the puzzle was thrown away.
i would later learn that adults, with all their worldliness and wisdom, would have this same habit of mine of trying to take something that doesn't quite fit and attempting to force it into place. but substitute people for puzzle pieces.
it's shocking how many relationships i see in this world where the people involved simply are not compatible. this is certainly not limited to love relationships, either. it's shocking how many people are not willing to admit that they just don't mesh with another person. it's almost as if it's a mark of their entire purpose in life if they can't quite work well with another person. rather, they would prefer to subject themselves to awkward situations to either avoid admitting defeat or simply to not let the other person go.
the best way i know to combat this situation in my own life is to know the kind of piece that i am. by fully knowing and accepting my dips and curves and irregularities, i'll know the complementary piece who should fit along next to me, whether that's a person or a job or any other situation in life. and until then, i will no longer attempt to cut corners just to make things fit.
i became so desperate at one point that i took the side pieces and tried to cut them into the lost middle ones. it never worked, and in the end, i had a completely disjointed puzzle made up of extremely rough edges and random, rustic pieces strewn throughout. at the age of 10, this constitutes as a massacre of sorts. eventually, the puzzle was thrown away.
i would later learn that adults, with all their worldliness and wisdom, would have this same habit of mine of trying to take something that doesn't quite fit and attempting to force it into place. but substitute people for puzzle pieces.
it's shocking how many relationships i see in this world where the people involved simply are not compatible. this is certainly not limited to love relationships, either. it's shocking how many people are not willing to admit that they just don't mesh with another person. it's almost as if it's a mark of their entire purpose in life if they can't quite work well with another person. rather, they would prefer to subject themselves to awkward situations to either avoid admitting defeat or simply to not let the other person go.
the best way i know to combat this situation in my own life is to know the kind of piece that i am. by fully knowing and accepting my dips and curves and irregularities, i'll know the complementary piece who should fit along next to me, whether that's a person or a job or any other situation in life. and until then, i will no longer attempt to cut corners just to make things fit.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Chapter 85: Healthy competition
while discussing our current job environments, a friend of mine and i began discussing the difference between healthy and unhealthy competition. he explained to me he was ecstatic that another co worker at his level was already showered with accolades to the point that this other co worker was already assigned her own team. he even went on to say that he was happy that he wasn't even offered this new team because he was afraid of the amount of work.
i have to to be honest and say that i was shocked by this reaction. i have always been the person who strives to do and be more. if i happen to surpass others around me in the process, then so be it. but to say that i am perfectly content with my position in a certain place is something that i can't even fathom. or understand, for that matter.
it can seem sad to some that i never really feel like anything is enough. i don't consider it as a lack of something in my life, but i'm excited by the possibility of something new or more. i'm never disappointed by what i've accomplished, but i can never wait to begin something new. i know that to the naked eye, this makes me seem highly competitive. but to be honest, the only person i'm really competing with is myself.
i have to to be honest and say that i was shocked by this reaction. i have always been the person who strives to do and be more. if i happen to surpass others around me in the process, then so be it. but to say that i am perfectly content with my position in a certain place is something that i can't even fathom. or understand, for that matter.
it can seem sad to some that i never really feel like anything is enough. i don't consider it as a lack of something in my life, but i'm excited by the possibility of something new or more. i'm never disappointed by what i've accomplished, but i can never wait to begin something new. i know that to the naked eye, this makes me seem highly competitive. but to be honest, the only person i'm really competing with is myself.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Chapter 84: Dates & Times
and now the post that i'm sure everyone as been waiting on the edge of their seats for: my dating experience in nyc! while i'm sure that no one was actually anxiously awaiting this, it is a common subject to tackle once any single person has made that move into a major city, especially new york.
so what's my situation, you might be wondering. i am, at the moment, in a situation that can only be described as facebook's groundbreaking relationship status, "it's complicated." i'm not even sure what that means, but to keep things simple, i will say this: consider me single since i can date other people. there are days when i get off the phone with him grinning from ear to ear, and days when i just want to eat a bowl of cheesy pasta mixed with more cheese. (don't tell me you haven't been there.)
anyway, i've only been in two or three outings where i didn't know too many people around me, and all of them happened to be club/bar settings. the one thing i did notice is that people in ny aren't as standoffish as they seem on the street. granted, this might have to do with alcohol, but i'd like to think that is has to do with the uber-social demeanor people put on when they are in that "out" setting. if you go anywhere after 11pm, who isn't laughing, dancing, drinking, talking, and generally having a great time? yes, even the stereotypical crying girl in the corner was laughing at one point that night. and this ebb and flow of energy can't just be attributed to the flow of alcohol, especially when you take into consideration how slow it can be to get a drink around here. and yes yes, there are those who purely want to hook up, but i'm looking on the positive side right now.
i found that people were just nice. i've met some very random people, including a doctor from nj and a jazz music exec from harlem, but all people who shared a full conversation with me. this wasn't just a "hey baby, how are you tonight?" kind of thing, but an actual conversation about what we do, where we are in life, and where we'd like to be. have i gone on a date with any of these people? er, no. i might not be quite ready for that yet. but it's great to know that when the time comes, it won't be too hard to meet someone, if not a date then at least a friend.
there will always be naysayers (there's even one in my head right now) who say that i should be careful and these people only want one thing from me, etc, etc. well, maybe. but i have to say that my experience so far has been rather positive. so, in a nutshell, have i been on a date? nope. am i hopeful? sure. regardless though, this blog will be the first place for me to report on it.
so what's my situation, you might be wondering. i am, at the moment, in a situation that can only be described as facebook's groundbreaking relationship status, "it's complicated." i'm not even sure what that means, but to keep things simple, i will say this: consider me single since i can date other people. there are days when i get off the phone with him grinning from ear to ear, and days when i just want to eat a bowl of cheesy pasta mixed with more cheese. (don't tell me you haven't been there.)
anyway, i've only been in two or three outings where i didn't know too many people around me, and all of them happened to be club/bar settings. the one thing i did notice is that people in ny aren't as standoffish as they seem on the street. granted, this might have to do with alcohol, but i'd like to think that is has to do with the uber-social demeanor people put on when they are in that "out" setting. if you go anywhere after 11pm, who isn't laughing, dancing, drinking, talking, and generally having a great time? yes, even the stereotypical crying girl in the corner was laughing at one point that night. and this ebb and flow of energy can't just be attributed to the flow of alcohol, especially when you take into consideration how slow it can be to get a drink around here. and yes yes, there are those who purely want to hook up, but i'm looking on the positive side right now.
i found that people were just nice. i've met some very random people, including a doctor from nj and a jazz music exec from harlem, but all people who shared a full conversation with me. this wasn't just a "hey baby, how are you tonight?" kind of thing, but an actual conversation about what we do, where we are in life, and where we'd like to be. have i gone on a date with any of these people? er, no. i might not be quite ready for that yet. but it's great to know that when the time comes, it won't be too hard to meet someone, if not a date then at least a friend.
there will always be naysayers (there's even one in my head right now) who say that i should be careful and these people only want one thing from me, etc, etc. well, maybe. but i have to say that my experience so far has been rather positive. so, in a nutshell, have i been on a date? nope. am i hopeful? sure. regardless though, this blog will be the first place for me to report on it.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Chapter 83: The very big city
every time i watched sex & the city, i was so jealous. here were these amazingly fashionable women who had these glorious apartments to return to after sunday brunch in trendy areas of manhattan, dishing about their fabulous saturday nights out. who wouldn't be jealous! and yes, i am not foolish enough to think that my own experience would be the same (really? that many manolo blahniks, carrie? feed the children.), but i really hoped that those episodes would hold something familiar for me.
not so much! no no, instead i find myself in a small-ish corner of an apartment (never let the term "charming" fool you in a real estate listing), surviving on a monthly budget that those satc ladies would blow through in about a week. i have discovered my love for cooking my own meals and bargain hunting throughout nyc. and let me tell you, there aren't many bargains to be found. i've found a value in vintage items and discount stores that i really never had before. i've also found beauty in taking walks to work and back home rather than taking the subway.
but maybe this is more that just about living in nyc on my own. maybe this about me growing up and realizing the true value of things in this world. as you might or might not know, this is actually my very first apartment, my very first piece of real estate, the first time that my name has ever appeared on a lease. i'm hoping that this sudden appreciation for the small things, or "charming" rather, is not just a temporary epiphany but a true lesson learned. maybe this move will be my first step towards being that bigger and better person i've always wanted to be. i'll just have to be bigger and better on a budget, but i'm thinking i can live with that.
not so much! no no, instead i find myself in a small-ish corner of an apartment (never let the term "charming" fool you in a real estate listing), surviving on a monthly budget that those satc ladies would blow through in about a week. i have discovered my love for cooking my own meals and bargain hunting throughout nyc. and let me tell you, there aren't many bargains to be found. i've found a value in vintage items and discount stores that i really never had before. i've also found beauty in taking walks to work and back home rather than taking the subway.
but maybe this is more that just about living in nyc on my own. maybe this about me growing up and realizing the true value of things in this world. as you might or might not know, this is actually my very first apartment, my very first piece of real estate, the first time that my name has ever appeared on a lease. i'm hoping that this sudden appreciation for the small things, or "charming" rather, is not just a temporary epiphany but a true lesson learned. maybe this move will be my first step towards being that bigger and better person i've always wanted to be. i'll just have to be bigger and better on a budget, but i'm thinking i can live with that.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Chapter 82: A change, I think.
i haven't been quite as prolific with this blog as i would like to be. in a previous post, i mentioned how this blog usually comes in handy when something terrible has gone on in my life and i need an inappropriate venting space. i guess i've comet to the realization that maybe this blog could be more than that. i mean, there are plenty of people out there who use their blogs to make money. i mean, that's obviously not a motivating factor, ahem...
i've been reading more blogs recently and realized that there are so many people out there who just talk about their lives and it's awesome. maybe mine can be the same, we'll see.
i've also realized that i don't share much about who i am beyond the small about me in the corner so i'll provide a small recap on my life, and the changes that have happened recently. i currently work in book publishing, which i absolutely love. i wanted to work in this industry and am so happy that i'm a part of it. i recently moved to nyc, which is basically the mecca that i've stared at from nj for the past 23 years. oh and i'm 23 years old.
so that's that! i hope you enjoy and comments are always welcome.
i've been reading more blogs recently and realized that there are so many people out there who just talk about their lives and it's awesome. maybe mine can be the same, we'll see.
i've also realized that i don't share much about who i am beyond the small about me in the corner so i'll provide a small recap on my life, and the changes that have happened recently. i currently work in book publishing, which i absolutely love. i wanted to work in this industry and am so happy that i'm a part of it. i recently moved to nyc, which is basically the mecca that i've stared at from nj for the past 23 years. oh and i'm 23 years old.
so that's that! i hope you enjoy and comments are always welcome.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Chapter 81: I heard this on the radio today...
"I know I'm PMSing when my boyfriend's breathing bothers me..."
Friday, June 11, 2010
Chapter 80: Today.
i love pop culture, and frankly, i am not afraid to admit that. i love immersing myself in the culture that describes the today, the right now, the very minute in which i exist.
upon reading this statement, one should think, "what's the big deal?" but apparently, there is a deal. for centuries, someone who appreciates pop culture is considered to be lacking in culture. doesn't that seem like an oxymoron? why do i keep finding those around me seeking out obscure artists or movements in order to seem like the pioneers of such-and-such? in one conversation after the other, i'm finding people competing to be the world's biggest fan of something no one has ever heard of.
so how does this work? the more obscure, the cooler one is deemed to be? nope, not for me. that utterly-out-of-touch-with-the-now person is pretty lame, as far as i'm concerned. not because they are seeking out something new, but because they are seeking out something different. after all, the old adage is that everyone who tries to be different is really just the same.
do i like all aspects of pop culture? of course not. but i appreciate it because in the end, it will be what defines my generation and my peers. there is a reason why certain ideas become famous, and my fascination is why it is such. why shun the very things that surround you?
upon reading this statement, one should think, "what's the big deal?" but apparently, there is a deal. for centuries, someone who appreciates pop culture is considered to be lacking in culture. doesn't that seem like an oxymoron? why do i keep finding those around me seeking out obscure artists or movements in order to seem like the pioneers of such-and-such? in one conversation after the other, i'm finding people competing to be the world's biggest fan of something no one has ever heard of.
so how does this work? the more obscure, the cooler one is deemed to be? nope, not for me. that utterly-out-of-touch-with-the-now person is pretty lame, as far as i'm concerned. not because they are seeking out something new, but because they are seeking out something different. after all, the old adage is that everyone who tries to be different is really just the same.
do i like all aspects of pop culture? of course not. but i appreciate it because in the end, it will be what defines my generation and my peers. there is a reason why certain ideas become famous, and my fascination is why it is such. why shun the very things that surround you?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Chapter 79: Who are you?
in this day and age, everyone is trying to find themselves in one way or another. it could be through taking up a new activity like meditating, trying new things, or even pulling the ultimate act of leaving everything behind and traveling the world. all this effort is put into finding oneself. there are countless self help books, tapes, videos (does anyone use those anymore?), DVDs, etc dedicated to this pursuit.
after having survived through 23 years of this grand speck we call earth, i've come across this idea a lot. and to be honest, i have no idea what it means. it's the kind of situation where i know words are there and they are clearly in english, but i have no idea what they mean. i can't even fathom where i would begin such a search. and yet, in everything, everywhere, every one is telling me that i should know myself before i can start things in like, like a new job or relationship.
this is the conundrum that i find myself in now. apparently, i can't "give" myself to someone else because i don't know who i am. well, i know my name and my address. i know my age and my favorite color. i know that i love peanut butter twix bars and hate ice cream. i know that i don't believe in aliens but i do believe in second chances. these and countless other things i know, and yet, i'm being told that i don't know who i am. and therefore, i must take the time to do this.
i think it's really amusing that i've only heard of people leaving on soul searching journeys. i've never heard of someone coming back from one. if you know of someone who has done, can you refer them to this page, please? i'd love to hear that their soul is all about.
after having survived through 23 years of this grand speck we call earth, i've come across this idea a lot. and to be honest, i have no idea what it means. it's the kind of situation where i know words are there and they are clearly in english, but i have no idea what they mean. i can't even fathom where i would begin such a search. and yet, in everything, everywhere, every one is telling me that i should know myself before i can start things in like, like a new job or relationship.
this is the conundrum that i find myself in now. apparently, i can't "give" myself to someone else because i don't know who i am. well, i know my name and my address. i know my age and my favorite color. i know that i love peanut butter twix bars and hate ice cream. i know that i don't believe in aliens but i do believe in second chances. these and countless other things i know, and yet, i'm being told that i don't know who i am. and therefore, i must take the time to do this.
i think it's really amusing that i've only heard of people leaving on soul searching journeys. i've never heard of someone coming back from one. if you know of someone who has done, can you refer them to this page, please? i'd love to hear that their soul is all about.
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