returning to one's alma mater is an interesting experience. i didn't quite expect how conflicted i would feel when i stepped back on to the campus of the university of pennsylvania last week after having graduated from there in may. on the one hand, i was thrilled to be back at the place where i i felt so free, so light, so like myself. college was, for me, the first place i was ever free to really be myself. i'm sure many other people equate college with freedom, but i'm not talking about the freedom that comes from binge drinking and partying. i mean the feeling of finding your interests and who you would like to be one day.
on the other hand, i was miffed at it's sudden change of heart. after four years of loyalty, that very same alma mater gave me my two weeks notice and told me to get the hell out. i'm not sure i can ever forgive it for ruthlessly and unceremoniously throwing me out to make room for its new lover, the class of 2013. (don't bother doing the math, they are young. let's just leave it at that.)
the first thing i realized? i'd forgotten things. getting out of the subway, i was suddenly very unsure of where i was and where i was going. were the streets the same? the stores? the people? i wasn't sure, but 5 seconds later, my feet grew accustomed and started walking to where i needed to go. never did i think that i would forget those places there seemed ingrained into my very skin.
i hate to say it, but i guess college was a temporary state of mind. i think i only realized that once i went back and suddenly, i didn't belong. time to move on, it seems.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Chapter 66: Almost.
i hate the word "almost." to me, it's the equivalent of a kick in the crotch AFTER getting a right hook to the face and subsequent black eye. not only is the fact that you didn't get something being referenced, but it's also saying that you would have gotten what it is you wanted... except you didn't.
almost doesn't really make anything better so no one should be allowed to say it. to say that one "almost won a prize" essentially means that he or she didn't win. wasn't that the objective? it's wasn't to be in second place, but to be in first. there are really no compromises in that arena: the opposite of winning is losing, not almost winning.
almost doesn't really make anything better so no one should be allowed to say it. to say that one "almost won a prize" essentially means that he or she didn't win. wasn't that the objective? it's wasn't to be in second place, but to be in first. there are really no compromises in that arena: the opposite of winning is losing, not almost winning.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Chapter 65: Charity
what truly constitutes as charity? to be honest, this is something that has always interested me, ever since i started seeing those "adopt this child in a third world country" ads on tv. i always felt so awful seeing those small small children who clearly had so much less than i did.
and yet, part of me was skeptical. how did i know for sure that all the money i was sending away was being sent right to that little girl or boy who needs my help? i didn't. for all i knew, 2 cents of every dollar was actually being given to help, or 98 cents of my dollar was being given to help.
does seeing the effects of one's charity make a difference? unfortunately, it does. in this day, we need to see the fruits of our labors, charity and otherwise. not knowing all the facts makes us cynical, then mistrusting, and finally unwilling to help. but have we considered that maybe it's the fact that we're helping at all that counts? we haven't because the sentiment of "even one person can make a difference" has been erased from our cliches of thought. we all had that experience of being a child and working so hard to make a change only to be let down in the worst way possible. maybe it was a lemonade stand to raise money for a cause, maybe it was trying to help out a neighbor during the summer, anything. not only were we let down by the lack of follow through, but we were taught from that moment on that success is only the measure of the product of our work.
as we've grown older, this idea has only been further enhanced by each stage of our life. success in high school means a diploma, in college it's a degree, in life it's a job and a family. with a charity, success is seeing the change we sought out to bring. for some this mantra might still hold true, but i'm beginning to realize that success is really the growth of something. for all i know, my 2 cents can do a lot more out there in the world than in my pocket, and that's a risk i'm willing to take.
and yet, part of me was skeptical. how did i know for sure that all the money i was sending away was being sent right to that little girl or boy who needs my help? i didn't. for all i knew, 2 cents of every dollar was actually being given to help, or 98 cents of my dollar was being given to help.
does seeing the effects of one's charity make a difference? unfortunately, it does. in this day, we need to see the fruits of our labors, charity and otherwise. not knowing all the facts makes us cynical, then mistrusting, and finally unwilling to help. but have we considered that maybe it's the fact that we're helping at all that counts? we haven't because the sentiment of "even one person can make a difference" has been erased from our cliches of thought. we all had that experience of being a child and working so hard to make a change only to be let down in the worst way possible. maybe it was a lemonade stand to raise money for a cause, maybe it was trying to help out a neighbor during the summer, anything. not only were we let down by the lack of follow through, but we were taught from that moment on that success is only the measure of the product of our work.
as we've grown older, this idea has only been further enhanced by each stage of our life. success in high school means a diploma, in college it's a degree, in life it's a job and a family. with a charity, success is seeing the change we sought out to bring. for some this mantra might still hold true, but i'm beginning to realize that success is really the growth of something. for all i know, my 2 cents can do a lot more out there in the world than in my pocket, and that's a risk i'm willing to take.
Chapter 64: Titan.
we've all learned in greek mythology that at one point, titans ruled the land. these creatures were giant in size and their power seemed absolute. their steps shook the highest of mountains and their voices caused the winds to blow. they were seemingly indestructible as there was no one in the world who was as great as they were. each titan was ruler over a natural element, such as the ocean or the moon or memory, and each ruled well. thus, the age of the titans is known as the golden era because it was an era of simplicity and goodness.
despite what they seemed to be, even titans could fall. it took the strength and guile of zeus, his mother, and many other beings to take them down, but they did. and down the titans went, deep into the nadir that is known as tartarus.
i'm not sure if anyone today can say that they have lived in a golden era of anything. we are each plagued by the terrors of society in our own ways. but one thing we can all say for sure is that today, a titan has fallen.
this one started as a boy and grew into a titan before our eyes. his talent was giant in size and his power over people seemed absolute. his dance steps shook the highest mountains of racism and segregation, and his voice caused the winds of change to blow. he was seemingly indestructible as there is and was and will never be anyone who is as great as he. his natural element was his song, his voice; he ruled it exceptionally.
and today, he fell. but unlike those greek titans who fell down, this titan managed to fall up. up to own his rightful place among the stars so that one day, far from now, stories and legends will be told of his greatness. one day, people will bask in the light of his talent. one day, someone will lose his faith and look up for guidance. and on that day, he will remember that anything is possible.
RIP Michael Jackson. May he rest in peace among the stars.
despite what they seemed to be, even titans could fall. it took the strength and guile of zeus, his mother, and many other beings to take them down, but they did. and down the titans went, deep into the nadir that is known as tartarus.
i'm not sure if anyone today can say that they have lived in a golden era of anything. we are each plagued by the terrors of society in our own ways. but one thing we can all say for sure is that today, a titan has fallen.
this one started as a boy and grew into a titan before our eyes. his talent was giant in size and his power over people seemed absolute. his dance steps shook the highest mountains of racism and segregation, and his voice caused the winds of change to blow. he was seemingly indestructible as there is and was and will never be anyone who is as great as he. his natural element was his song, his voice; he ruled it exceptionally.
and today, he fell. but unlike those greek titans who fell down, this titan managed to fall up. up to own his rightful place among the stars so that one day, far from now, stories and legends will be told of his greatness. one day, people will bask in the light of his talent. one day, someone will lose his faith and look up for guidance. and on that day, he will remember that anything is possible.
RIP Michael Jackson. May he rest in peace among the stars.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Chapter 63: Let's move on.
there are moments in my life when i just don't want to talk. it's nothing anyone should take personally because sometimes, i just don't want to talk about what is bothering me at that particular moment. i know that talking things out can be good for the soul and all, but i don't think this should be considered a rule of thumb. it's my problem, and it's my decision to keep it as my problem.
it should also not be construed as selfish when i attempt to keep these things to myself. rather, it should be considered a compliment that i decided not to ruin your day by unleashing my list of complaints and disasters into your world that five minutes ago seemed quite good. i am not keeping things from you, i am saving you from a life of negativity. besides, this will past as mostly all bad moods pass. i'd rather not prolong it by continuing to talk about it. doesn't that just make more sense?
it should also not be construed as selfish when i attempt to keep these things to myself. rather, it should be considered a compliment that i decided not to ruin your day by unleashing my list of complaints and disasters into your world that five minutes ago seemed quite good. i am not keeping things from you, i am saving you from a life of negativity. besides, this will past as mostly all bad moods pass. i'd rather not prolong it by continuing to talk about it. doesn't that just make more sense?
Friday, June 12, 2009
Chapter 62: Masks
(440): why doesn't he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
(1-440): you have got to be kidding?
the text exchange comes from from the absolutely hilarious textsfromlastnight.com where we get to share those wonderfully inappropriate texts we sometimes think it's appropriate to send. of course, our perceptions may be altered due to the effects of certain substances some of us like to consume, but regardless, something in us tells us that being completely honest at all times is a good thing.
maybe it isn't substances but something we've always been told, ever since we've been kids. "be open and honest." "don't lie." "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." --wait, really? when the co-worker we don't know really well comes in on monday morning with a haircut that is undoubtedly a mullet and stands in front of our desk begging for our opinion, it is perfectly acceptable to say nothing? uh, i think not.
i can honestly say that there are situations where white lies are appropriate:
does this make me look fat?
no.
do you like my parents?
yes
is that girl hotter than me?
what girl?
in these cases, it's not about the deceit but about how you want someone else to feel for a second. what's so bad about cheering someone up about something superficial? now, this doesn't extend to the serious things in life, like not telling a partner that you've cheated because you want them to "feel good." but this is in reference to those quick moments when we have the power in our hands to make someone's day a little brighter. just take that opportunity. i'd rather have my co-worker believe that she does look ok despite the hours she probably spent over her hair in the mirror, agonizing over her new mullet. why would i add to the depth that her self-esteem has reached? rather, i'll tell her she looks amazing and watch her walk back to her desk relieved. and besides, hair will always grow back.
(1-440): you have got to be kidding?
the text exchange comes from from the absolutely hilarious textsfromlastnight.com where we get to share those wonderfully inappropriate texts we sometimes think it's appropriate to send. of course, our perceptions may be altered due to the effects of certain substances some of us like to consume, but regardless, something in us tells us that being completely honest at all times is a good thing.
maybe it isn't substances but something we've always been told, ever since we've been kids. "be open and honest." "don't lie." "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." --wait, really? when the co-worker we don't know really well comes in on monday morning with a haircut that is undoubtedly a mullet and stands in front of our desk begging for our opinion, it is perfectly acceptable to say nothing? uh, i think not.
i can honestly say that there are situations where white lies are appropriate:
does this make me look fat?
no.
do you like my parents?
yes
is that girl hotter than me?
what girl?
in these cases, it's not about the deceit but about how you want someone else to feel for a second. what's so bad about cheering someone up about something superficial? now, this doesn't extend to the serious things in life, like not telling a partner that you've cheated because you want them to "feel good." but this is in reference to those quick moments when we have the power in our hands to make someone's day a little brighter. just take that opportunity. i'd rather have my co-worker believe that she does look ok despite the hours she probably spent over her hair in the mirror, agonizing over her new mullet. why would i add to the depth that her self-esteem has reached? rather, i'll tell her she looks amazing and watch her walk back to her desk relieved. and besides, hair will always grow back.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Chapter 61: Your face is a bit puffy.
i have a friend who is a true hypochondriac. i'm talking about truly the essence of the word. during our sophomore year of college, she postulated that the pain she was feeling in her forehead was, in fact, the effects of a brain tumor that would ultimately lead to her tragic demise. i don't think she considered that it was just a headache. from her own diagnosis )and with a little help from webmd), she diagnosed herself with hiv, cancer, and even the plague. that's right, i mean bubonic.
though these are very serious illnesses, it is hilarious. everyone knows that entering "stomach ache" into a medical site like webmd will lead to suggestions that range from food poisoning to chlamydia to arthritis. and if you happen to be a girl? apparently pregnancy can cause every symptom known to man.
though these are very serious illnesses, it is hilarious. everyone knows that entering "stomach ache" into a medical site like webmd will lead to suggestions that range from food poisoning to chlamydia to arthritis. and if you happen to be a girl? apparently pregnancy can cause every symptom known to man.
Chapter 60: Starting over.
i've found that this blog comes in handy at major moments in my life. anyone who said that writing is therapeutic was absolutely correct. it's at these major moments in my life that i realize how much i can unload onto this mere web page that's wonderfully lost in the abyss of the internet. the world wide web can be an excellent place to hide those very thoughts that go through our heads or our hearts that can be so difficult to tell anyone else. who knew that such a public sphere could be so private?
so what major moment has prompted this comeback? i'm starting over. completely. thank god i'm only 22 because this would be impossible to do if i were any older. this would also be impossible to handle if i were any older. but that's the beauty of youth. not only do we retain those attributes of strength and attractiveness and energy, but we can also get hit with wave after wave of disappointment and not sustain any injuries. at least not on the outside.
but i know i'll get through this, and i know i'll get through this alone. but that's ok. i've found that regardless of how much i may lose faith in the world and those around me, this blog always welcomes me back with open arms and a blank page.
so what major moment has prompted this comeback? i'm starting over. completely. thank god i'm only 22 because this would be impossible to do if i were any older. this would also be impossible to handle if i were any older. but that's the beauty of youth. not only do we retain those attributes of strength and attractiveness and energy, but we can also get hit with wave after wave of disappointment and not sustain any injuries. at least not on the outside.
but i know i'll get through this, and i know i'll get through this alone. but that's ok. i've found that regardless of how much i may lose faith in the world and those around me, this blog always welcomes me back with open arms and a blank page.
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