Chapter 11: The Stock Market.

i've recently become interested in the stock market. after all, who wouldn't be considering the very idea of investing? the idea that you can make money just by spending money wisely is, well, intoxicating. and yes yes, i know, there's far more to it that just that. there is research and considerations and preparation. blah blah boring blah. i'm ready to take some risks, baby!

interestingly enough, one of my closest friends and i recently had a conversation about risks. who takes them and who doesn't? after all, everything in life has a value, and every decision made is an investment. some are very minor, like what should i wear this morning? but think about it. if you put the time in to dress carefully, your output could be higher, but you are losing those initial resources of time and energy. and don't be fooled by anyone; it did take energy to put that outfit together that she supposedly threw on.

but then there are other decisions, other investments. ones where the outcome is the most important return of all: your happiness. should you invest in that career that may not pay so much, but it's what you love to do? or should you go for that 6-figure starting salary, knowing that you'll live comfortably?

thinking about this more, though, i realized that it's not so simple as these two decisions. sacrificing my own well being for money is settling to me, conforming to standards set by a illusioned society. but i also can't escape the fact that i am a product of that same society. one that teaches me that i need manolo blahniks to be a truly successful woman. and i want these comforts. but again, not at the expense of me.

where does this leave me? unhappy. i will always want more and expect more of myself because that's the kind of person i am. i will also take those risks that could bring me happiness. after all, big risks mean bigger rewards, right? but not all the time. not even half the time. (cue statistician to tell me the exact number.) the only guarantee is that every time i don't win, i lose something. there will then be those people who don't take those risks, settle with what they have, and lose nothing. so who really is the smarter person here?

i know i won't change. this is who i am, and i've come to accept this part of my personality. all i can do now is make a few decisions, a few investments and see where that puts me. as for the real stock market, i think i'll stick with some mutual funds here and there before playing with the big leagues of real stocks. but trust me, i'll get there.