Chapter 12: Smile.

sometimes it seems as if the entire day, the world just pushes down on the corners of your mouth, making sure you don't smile.

i'm convinced that i can tell when i'm going to have a bad day. some portent or another will reveal itself to me, and even though i may not know it at the time, this is the foreshadowing of something bigger coming. i started believing in this in 6th grade. one morning as i got ready for school, i sliced my hand open with the worst paper cut i have ever had. with blood streaming down my arm, i went to school, where later that day, i got in trouble with the principal for something i didn't do.

today was one of those days. i came into work feeling awful and cold and sick, but i came in anyway. and then it seemed as if nothing was going well for me, as if everything had suddenly decided it was against me. the fax machine, the air conditioning, the computer, nothing was cooperating. i should have known that this was sign of some sort, but as usual, i didn't see it coming.

and then my sister called and told me that my cousin was dying.
i don't think any sign could have prepared me for that.