Chapter 72: You should be a judge...

apparently, i have a very judging look about me. i attribute this to my very large indian eyes that show more expression than they should. i could be merely looking at someone, and that someone accuses me of judging them. is it my fault that i just happened to be looking at you as you took your 9th shot of the night, and stumbled away from the bar only to introduce your face to the beer covered floor? nope, definitely not judging you.

it appears to me that it's not my judgment that people are truly worried about. how many times has the following thoughts gone through your mind when you're, let's just say, in the elevator?
"oh dear, that woman is looking at me. why is she looking at me? shit, it's this shirt. i knew it was too tight. damn it, i could fit into it last week. what the hell happened? what did i eat? i need to lose 10 pounds. ugh and it doesn't match with this skirt, does it? i should have worn pants. shit, she's still looking."

meanwhile, that woman happens to be thinking:
"crap, i have so much to do today. shit, why is that woman looking at me..."

yea, guess what? as a very good friend's mother puts it, sadly, "no one really cares about you that much." except you, of course.

so is it really about me? or have i merely been looking at a person at the exact moment when he/she (oh yes, apparently my judgment extends to men, as well) is judging him/herself with the utmost scrutiny? we know how hard we are on ourselves, so God-forbid that some other person happens to peak in on this self-flagellation or (gasp!) agree with us. what would we truly do at that point when our worst fears are confirmed, as apparently some seem to think that my look is doing. i am not at all immune to this behavior because those who judge others are even better at judging themselves.

when did the word judgment become so negative? there are many times that i find myself judging some one's positive attributes, like a great pair of shoes or the way someone walks with so much confidence. rather than focusing on what i'm not, i think i'm going to try to focus on what i am, and make sure that what i am is great.