something i found that is equal parts frightening and beautiful:
I want to be with you, near you, in your arms, under you, inside you, a part of you. I want you to be mine, forever. You will not belong to anyone else, no one else can claim you as theirs except for me. And I, you. I want you to jealously guard me from the world, and not want anyone to look at me or touch me. I want you to believe with all your heart that you are my first and my only. And I want you to believe in that so much that it becomes a reality, my reality. For what you believe, I believe, and simply is. I want us to blend so seamlessly that it’s impossible to tell where one begins and the other ends. I want you to be selfish about me, and I will be selfish about you. I want you inside me, to consume me, to make me yours, to have me yet want me, crave me, and never ever get enough of me. I want to kiss and own every inch of you, take every inch of you, and make every inch of you mine.
I want you to sink into me and feel whole when you are with me. I want you to feel bigger, fuller and more concrete when you are near me, but so full of life that you are light and free. I want to be the thing that awakens you. I want to make you feel incredible and terrible, I want to be your everything. Good, evil, light, dark, smiles, tears. I want to destroy what you were and remake you into what you are and forever shall be. I want you to erase what I was and give me life as who I will become. For as long as I am with you, you have the power to do that to me. Where I walk, you shall follow. And likewise, I, too, will be your shadow.
I want to be the person you see, the person that is reflected in your eyes as I gaze into them. I will be so much more when I am with you because you deserve the best, and that is exactly what you will make me.
And after everything, I want to understand why Adam and Eve had to be cast out from Eden. I want to understand that knowledge of this love can only serve to lift us so high that we are near the heavens, too near. The world was built and continues to exist in cycles, and we have reached a new stage in ours. What has been brought together must be undone, and so shall we. Upon reaching the zenith that you have brought me to, where else can I go but down? The force with which you raised me will be the force with which I fall to the nadir of all that is.
But as God granted us the ability to dream, so too has He given us memory. Every cell in my body will remember its counterpart in yours. What we were will be lost, but I will always look for you, for my mirror, for my very self in another, and for what we shall one day become. And one day, I will find you again. This existent I lead, this world of shadows, will be made real for you are what makes me real. You will breathe strength into me, bring the light back into my eyes, make me feel as no one else will ever be able to do. And who else can? For when we are together, no one else exists but us. because through you, I have found my purpose in this world…
Monday, June 30, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Chapter 41: Bank, baby!
today is a truly wonderful day for me. why, you ask? it's my first ever payday at macmillan publishing.
as a girl who likes the finer things in life, trust me, this is awesome. and i have recently waged a war against every type of tax out there because they are seriously stealing my money. messed up...
as a girl who likes the finer things in life, trust me, this is awesome. and i have recently waged a war against every type of tax out there because they are seriously stealing my money. messed up...
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Chapter 40: What's in a name, anyway?
a co-worker of mine, mike barry, doesn’t know my name. or he thinks it’s “sharice,” which isn’t really close to “sherene.”
i was seriously upset about this for a few days. after all, if people have no idea what my name is, how will i get anywhere in life? i figured i was especially in trouble if co-workers don’t know my name. granted, i should add that the only time he ever addresses me is in the morning to say “good morning, sharice” because we don’t speak to each other otherwise. he does his thing, i do mine. (and don’t worry, i’m using his full name because 1. do you know how many mike barry’s there are in this world? the sheer number would render it impossible for him to find this. 2. he doesn’t know my name and therefore can’t find my blog and 3. it’s just funny to me)
in my quest to remedy this problem, i asked some people for advice and this is what ensued:
you should somehow find a way to let mike see your name written on paper. for example, pretend that you want him to sign a petition about something (for example, an "end the violence in zimbabwe" petition. there are a lot of those floating around nowadays). then, be like "see, i already signed my name RIGHT HERE." show him your name so that he can see how it's spelled. that way, he'll feel like an idiot for calling you the wrong name! if that doesn't work, legally change your name so that future encounters are not awkward.
so here's how you tell mike what your name is: start talking to him about something fun that happened to you (feel free to use a real-life event or use your imagination). then say: "and then he said, 'SHERENE, you're bleeding!'" or something like that. say something that requires you to say your name.
you should have a loud conversation around him and be like "wow, i really hate when people cant pronounce my name right? how hard is it to say SHERENE" (yell this last part). It’ll work like a charm. or wear lots of clothing/name tags that say SHERENE in big letters. its like that commercial where the boss says the wrong name of the guy hes talking to even though hes in this guys cube which has his actual name on like everything.
right. i ended up never trying this techniques because lo and behold, it turns out that everyone in the office hates mike barry. even his own boss. so i really don’t care anymore.
i was seriously upset about this for a few days. after all, if people have no idea what my name is, how will i get anywhere in life? i figured i was especially in trouble if co-workers don’t know my name. granted, i should add that the only time he ever addresses me is in the morning to say “good morning, sharice” because we don’t speak to each other otherwise. he does his thing, i do mine. (and don’t worry, i’m using his full name because 1. do you know how many mike barry’s there are in this world? the sheer number would render it impossible for him to find this. 2. he doesn’t know my name and therefore can’t find my blog and 3. it’s just funny to me)
in my quest to remedy this problem, i asked some people for advice and this is what ensued:
you should somehow find a way to let mike see your name written on paper. for example, pretend that you want him to sign a petition about something (for example, an "end the violence in zimbabwe" petition. there are a lot of those floating around nowadays). then, be like "see, i already signed my name RIGHT HERE." show him your name so that he can see how it's spelled. that way, he'll feel like an idiot for calling you the wrong name! if that doesn't work, legally change your name so that future encounters are not awkward.
so here's how you tell mike what your name is: start talking to him about something fun that happened to you (feel free to use a real-life event or use your imagination). then say: "and then he said, 'SHERENE, you're bleeding!'" or something like that. say something that requires you to say your name.
you should have a loud conversation around him and be like "wow, i really hate when people cant pronounce my name right? how hard is it to say SHERENE" (yell this last part). It’ll work like a charm. or wear lots of clothing/name tags that say SHERENE in big letters. its like that commercial where the boss says the wrong name of the guy hes talking to even though hes in this guys cube which has his actual name on like everything.
right. i ended up never trying this techniques because lo and behold, it turns out that everyone in the office hates mike barry. even his own boss. so i really don’t care anymore.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Chapter 39: PORN.
this post is in a similar vein as the last one i did, except this is something that one should never, ever, under any circumstance do in public…
i got off work early yesterday so i decided to go to the new york library of the humanities to read for a bit before i got on my bus to go home. if you’ve never been to this particular library, it’s absolutely stunning. there are various exhibits inside, but the main site of the books and the reading hall are on the third floor. when you walk in, the most amazing smell of chocolate inexplicably wafts over you. i’m still trying to figure out where that smell comes from. this room houses all of the public computers as well as desks on which to read. i situated myself on one of the desks near the computers and sat down to continue with my book. i randomly looked up from my book and happened to glance at one of the computers in front of me where a man was hunched over and peering intently at the screen. when i made out what he was looking at, i realized it was a pair of naked breasts.
this guy was just sitting in the public library looking at porn. and this was not just your average peep show. this was porn that was full of life and girth. i scanned every face near me, hoping on all hope that someone else had noticed and was watching this man at work. i leaned back in my chair and held up the book (what book could compare to this?) i was reading so i could be at a better angle to spy on the porn spy. as i sat there, he actually pulled out his cell phone and took pictures of the graphic images on his computer!
at this point, i was basically falling out of my chair from laughing so hard, and the book decoy was completely abandoned. i knew that this would be an awesome story to tell people, so i pulled out my phone to take pictures of him at his business (ask me for them, if you could like to see).
i was determined to see his face since i could only see the back of his head and his sexual preferences. think about any stereotypical creep that you’ve dreamed up or saw in a movie and this guy was him. he sulked out of the library, hunching over and ogling at every girl who passed by.
well, there is now a guy in the city of new york who i now know nothing about except that he likes girls with big breasts.
i got off work early yesterday so i decided to go to the new york library of the humanities to read for a bit before i got on my bus to go home. if you’ve never been to this particular library, it’s absolutely stunning. there are various exhibits inside, but the main site of the books and the reading hall are on the third floor. when you walk in, the most amazing smell of chocolate inexplicably wafts over you. i’m still trying to figure out where that smell comes from. this room houses all of the public computers as well as desks on which to read. i situated myself on one of the desks near the computers and sat down to continue with my book. i randomly looked up from my book and happened to glance at one of the computers in front of me where a man was hunched over and peering intently at the screen. when i made out what he was looking at, i realized it was a pair of naked breasts.
this guy was just sitting in the public library looking at porn. and this was not just your average peep show. this was porn that was full of life and girth. i scanned every face near me, hoping on all hope that someone else had noticed and was watching this man at work. i leaned back in my chair and held up the book (what book could compare to this?) i was reading so i could be at a better angle to spy on the porn spy. as i sat there, he actually pulled out his cell phone and took pictures of the graphic images on his computer!
at this point, i was basically falling out of my chair from laughing so hard, and the book decoy was completely abandoned. i knew that this would be an awesome story to tell people, so i pulled out my phone to take pictures of him at his business (ask me for them, if you could like to see).
i was determined to see his face since i could only see the back of his head and his sexual preferences. think about any stereotypical creep that you’ve dreamed up or saw in a movie and this guy was him. he sulked out of the library, hunching over and ogling at every girl who passed by.
well, there is now a guy in the city of new york who i now know nothing about except that he likes girls with big breasts.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Chapter 38: Do not disturb
we all have habits that we do when we are alone, door closed, lights dim. (ew, pervert, not that). there are certain things about who we are that we really don't want anyone else to see, especially the people we love for the fear that they won't love us anymore. some of those things may include doing your floor exercises in just your underwear or brushing your hair exactly 100 times every night or even compulsively cleaning everything in your room before you go to sleep. these little idiosyncrasies that are a part of the very personal “me” or “i” that we rarely show the outside world.
i think it’s hilarious when people forget where they are and suddenly start doing those very private habits in very public places when they think no one watching. one of my bosses closes the door and watches soccer on his computer, screaming and yelling like he’s being bludgeoned to death by someone. this is fine because sports enthusiasts can get loud, but the hilarious part about this is that he screams like a girl.
i’ve actually never met anyone who i can attribute this quality to until i met him, but he really has these high-pitched shrills that makes everyone in the office look at each other when he unleashes them. otherwise, he is actually a rather imposing man whose voice is pretty deep normally. i’m pretty sure he thinks his walls are soundproof.
as i was waiting for the bus last week, there was a woman in front of me staring intently at her ass in the reflection in the window near us. it really looked like the only things that existed for her in those minutes were her, her ass and her ass’s reflection. worst of all, she was studying the effects of different standing positions. she first leaned on one leg, then on the other, then balanced, then swung her hip out to the side, for a total of 5 minutes until someone in front of her moved and she realized where she was. she looked around sheepishly to see if anyone had noticed (i looked away at this point so she wasn’t embarrassed) and hoping no one did, she got on the bus while i started laughing hysterically about 5 people behind her.
and then, of course, there are those habits that should be reserved not only for the bedroom but for the bed. i was reading in starbucks yesterday when i saw a girl walk in wearing a dress that i’m pretty sure is supposed to be worn as a shirt. and with a shirt under it. needless to say, a lot of her skin was showing. as she sat there trying to look as demure as possible, a man came up behind her, pulled her head back, and stuck his tongue down her throat. my initial shock and worry that she would choke were gone when i realized she was, in fact, kissing back.
watching people when they are in these states reveals a lot about them: their secrets, their insecurities, their desires. this is who they are, and at what they think is their worst. but sometimes, i notice the best sides of people without them even realizing it, sides that they reserve only for themselves.
i think it’s hilarious when people forget where they are and suddenly start doing those very private habits in very public places when they think no one watching. one of my bosses closes the door and watches soccer on his computer, screaming and yelling like he’s being bludgeoned to death by someone. this is fine because sports enthusiasts can get loud, but the hilarious part about this is that he screams like a girl.
i’ve actually never met anyone who i can attribute this quality to until i met him, but he really has these high-pitched shrills that makes everyone in the office look at each other when he unleashes them. otherwise, he is actually a rather imposing man whose voice is pretty deep normally. i’m pretty sure he thinks his walls are soundproof.
as i was waiting for the bus last week, there was a woman in front of me staring intently at her ass in the reflection in the window near us. it really looked like the only things that existed for her in those minutes were her, her ass and her ass’s reflection. worst of all, she was studying the effects of different standing positions. she first leaned on one leg, then on the other, then balanced, then swung her hip out to the side, for a total of 5 minutes until someone in front of her moved and she realized where she was. she looked around sheepishly to see if anyone had noticed (i looked away at this point so she wasn’t embarrassed) and hoping no one did, she got on the bus while i started laughing hysterically about 5 people behind her.
and then, of course, there are those habits that should be reserved not only for the bedroom but for the bed. i was reading in starbucks yesterday when i saw a girl walk in wearing a dress that i’m pretty sure is supposed to be worn as a shirt. and with a shirt under it. needless to say, a lot of her skin was showing. as she sat there trying to look as demure as possible, a man came up behind her, pulled her head back, and stuck his tongue down her throat. my initial shock and worry that she would choke were gone when i realized she was, in fact, kissing back.
watching people when they are in these states reveals a lot about them: their secrets, their insecurities, their desires. this is who they are, and at what they think is their worst. but sometimes, i notice the best sides of people without them even realizing it, sides that they reserve only for themselves.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Chapter 37: When I ruled the world...
coldplay has a new album out!
yes, this is worth an entire post...
yes, this is worth an entire post...
Monday, June 16, 2008
Chapter 36: Long distance
in this time when the world is literally at your fingertips and distance is basically nonexistent, why do we find distance so hard to handle?
recently, a friend's relationship ended when the guy decided that he could no longer handle the long distance, he being in the mid-west and she being on the east coast. after nearly 5 months of talking on facebook which turned into emails which turned into gchats which turned into phone calls which turned into his subsequent visit, it was over. what had been bearable up until then suddenly became not.
i was surprised by this turn of events since it seemed like everything was going really great for the both of them, and his visit had proven that they had really great chemistry. so why would he suddenly claim distance as a reason for this to not work out?
i guess it makes sense when you think of people craving human contact. i'm sure that we've all heard of those incredibly amoral studies done on orphaned babies where they proved that human touch was a key factor in sustaining the lives of those infants. those who didn't receive human touch didn't last. it's usually never enough to just talk and hear a person's voice on the phone. it also doesn't mean that you are going as far as having sex. it could be that you hate not being able to hold his hand as you walk somewhat idly down the street; touch her face and whisper in her ear that everything will be ok when you know she's upset; or even just gaze into his eyes as you lay in his arms.
and what about the potential that this long-distance thing could have turned into? is it worth to sacrifice the possibility of something really amazing in your life for the lack of touch, taste, smell, and sight? are 4 senses necessary for a relationship to last? i, myself, am not completely sure, but apparently this guy didn't think so. i wonder to myself how many others think or will think the same way.
when our own biology dictates that we need human touch, how long is it before our minds fall into the same rhythm? i'll let you know soon...
recently, a friend's relationship ended when the guy decided that he could no longer handle the long distance, he being in the mid-west and she being on the east coast. after nearly 5 months of talking on facebook which turned into emails which turned into gchats which turned into phone calls which turned into his subsequent visit, it was over. what had been bearable up until then suddenly became not.
i was surprised by this turn of events since it seemed like everything was going really great for the both of them, and his visit had proven that they had really great chemistry. so why would he suddenly claim distance as a reason for this to not work out?
i guess it makes sense when you think of people craving human contact. i'm sure that we've all heard of those incredibly amoral studies done on orphaned babies where they proved that human touch was a key factor in sustaining the lives of those infants. those who didn't receive human touch didn't last. it's usually never enough to just talk and hear a person's voice on the phone. it also doesn't mean that you are going as far as having sex. it could be that you hate not being able to hold his hand as you walk somewhat idly down the street; touch her face and whisper in her ear that everything will be ok when you know she's upset; or even just gaze into his eyes as you lay in his arms.
and what about the potential that this long-distance thing could have turned into? is it worth to sacrifice the possibility of something really amazing in your life for the lack of touch, taste, smell, and sight? are 4 senses necessary for a relationship to last? i, myself, am not completely sure, but apparently this guy didn't think so. i wonder to myself how many others think or will think the same way.
when our own biology dictates that we need human touch, how long is it before our minds fall into the same rhythm? i'll let you know soon...
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Chapter 35: Alphabet Soup.
i thought i would bring yet another comeback of my blog with the introduction of summer. for me, anyway. i started this week as a marketing intern at macmillan publishing in new york city. trust me, i have never been so excited to go to work, especially since i get to work all day long with books. what more could an english major ask for, really?
as excited as i was, i don’t think i fully comprehended the fact that i was going to be working in new york city. read: the rudest, quite possible most bizarre, city in the world. i walked out of the first past of my commute (the bus) feeling like a girl ready to take on the world. then i was hit with an awful smell and the prospect of figuring out the subway system. being in that underground sauna was like being in a different world…one where all the countries were this convoluted system of single letters and numbers that everyone seemed to understand. except me, of course. and being the rudest city in the world, don’t even think about asking someone for help. that will certainly cost you.
i walked in and looked around, looking for the r train that was supposed to take me somewhere. the best metaphor for this experience is alice chasing after the white rabbit. literally, it was me chasing after the letter r all over the tunnels. and don’t worry. Not uninterrupted. i encountered music from all over the world, including a very interestingly arranged one-man-band; hobos of all sorts; an entire hallway full of Jesus enthusiasts who tried to convert me to what i could only imagine was some sort of cult. meanwhile, the more i walked, the more i thought that i was nearing the earth’s core as the heat and humidity and steam (don’t ask me where that came from) increased.
i finally got inside the crushingly packed train where i’m fairly certain a guy was trying to grope me and the woman standing next to me. thankfully, i only had to endure 2 stops of this, and when I finally emerged from that underground hell, i actually gasped for air. except that this was also during the heat wave that hit nyc so there was no air to be had.
needless to say, i was a wreck when i walked into my first day of work, having my ass kicked by the very same city that i was so excited to work in.
oh but don’t worry, i couldn’t wait for my next day to go through it all again. after all, it is new york city. who can say no to that?
as excited as i was, i don’t think i fully comprehended the fact that i was going to be working in new york city. read: the rudest, quite possible most bizarre, city in the world. i walked out of the first past of my commute (the bus) feeling like a girl ready to take on the world. then i was hit with an awful smell and the prospect of figuring out the subway system. being in that underground sauna was like being in a different world…one where all the countries were this convoluted system of single letters and numbers that everyone seemed to understand. except me, of course. and being the rudest city in the world, don’t even think about asking someone for help. that will certainly cost you.
i walked in and looked around, looking for the r train that was supposed to take me somewhere. the best metaphor for this experience is alice chasing after the white rabbit. literally, it was me chasing after the letter r all over the tunnels. and don’t worry. Not uninterrupted. i encountered music from all over the world, including a very interestingly arranged one-man-band; hobos of all sorts; an entire hallway full of Jesus enthusiasts who tried to convert me to what i could only imagine was some sort of cult. meanwhile, the more i walked, the more i thought that i was nearing the earth’s core as the heat and humidity and steam (don’t ask me where that came from) increased.
i finally got inside the crushingly packed train where i’m fairly certain a guy was trying to grope me and the woman standing next to me. thankfully, i only had to endure 2 stops of this, and when I finally emerged from that underground hell, i actually gasped for air. except that this was also during the heat wave that hit nyc so there was no air to be had.
needless to say, i was a wreck when i walked into my first day of work, having my ass kicked by the very same city that i was so excited to work in.
oh but don’t worry, i couldn’t wait for my next day to go through it all again. after all, it is new york city. who can say no to that?
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