Chapter 38: Do not disturb

we all have habits that we do when we are alone, door closed, lights dim. (ew, pervert, not that). there are certain things about who we are that we really don't want anyone else to see, especially the people we love for the fear that they won't love us anymore. some of those things may include doing your floor exercises in just your underwear or brushing your hair exactly 100 times every night or even compulsively cleaning everything in your room before you go to sleep. these little idiosyncrasies that are a part of the very personal “me” or “i” that we rarely show the outside world.

i think it’s hilarious when people forget where they are and suddenly start doing those very private habits in very public places when they think no one watching. one of my bosses closes the door and watches soccer on his computer, screaming and yelling like he’s being bludgeoned to death by someone. this is fine because sports enthusiasts can get loud, but the hilarious part about this is that he screams like a girl.

i’ve actually never met anyone who i can attribute this quality to until i met him, but he really has these high-pitched shrills that makes everyone in the office look at each other when he unleashes them. otherwise, he is actually a rather imposing man whose voice is pretty deep normally. i’m pretty sure he thinks his walls are soundproof.

as i was waiting for the bus last week, there was a woman in front of me staring intently at her ass in the reflection in the window near us. it really looked like the only things that existed for her in those minutes were her, her ass and her ass’s reflection. worst of all, she was studying the effects of different standing positions. she first leaned on one leg, then on the other, then balanced, then swung her hip out to the side, for a total of 5 minutes until someone in front of her moved and she realized where she was. she looked around sheepishly to see if anyone had noticed (i looked away at this point so she wasn’t embarrassed) and hoping no one did, she got on the bus while i started laughing hysterically about 5 people behind her.

and then, of course, there are those habits that should be reserved not only for the bedroom but for the bed. i was reading in starbucks yesterday when i saw a girl walk in wearing a dress that i’m pretty sure is supposed to be worn as a shirt. and with a shirt under it. needless to say, a lot of her skin was showing. as she sat there trying to look as demure as possible, a man came up behind her, pulled her head back, and stuck his tongue down her throat. my initial shock and worry that she would choke were gone when i realized she was, in fact, kissing back.

watching people when they are in these states reveals a lot about them: their secrets, their insecurities, their desires. this is who they are, and at what they think is their worst. but sometimes, i notice the best sides of people without them even realizing it, sides that they reserve only for themselves.